Monster Raving Celebrities

The big Anglo-Saxon democracies are usually two-party states, but every so often a few mavericks or independents try to muscle in. The most famous recent example in the United States was Ross Perot's run for the Presidency in 1992, which foundered on his Prince Philip-like lack of tact (and was probably not helped by the fact that the closest thing he had to a campaign slogan was "giant sucking sound"). For many years, elections in Canada have featured the Rhinoceros Party, whose extravagantly named candidates (I recall Mikhail Gourd-Bas-Chef on one occasion in the early 1980s) run on a satirical and surrealistic platform. Here in the UK, Screaming Lord Sutch for many years single-handedly carried the banner of the Monster Raving Loony Party. Mostly, these folks serve to lighten the atmosphere a little, though I'm not sure you could really say that about Ross Perot.

One side-effect of the Parliamentary expenses scandal in the UK is that the independents are on the march again -- but with a twist. Perhaps unsurprisingly in an era when fame counts for much more than achievement or even coherence, it's the celebrities (I'm being charitable here) who are out to save us. Esther Rantzen, last seen dissing Eminem on a late-night show, says she will stand for Parliament in Luton South, where the incumbent MP, Margaret Moran, saw fit to claim expenses for a second home in Southampton. Former Bucks Fizz singer David van Day is going to run against the Tory MP Nadine Dorries. (Sir, I knew Screaming Lord Sutch, and you are no Screaming Lord Sutch). Even Terry Waite, God bless him, is thinking of getting in on the act, and has even cajoled the Times into letting him publish something of a manifesto, basically on the lines of "as an independent MP, I'd do independent things".

The murmurings of the celebrities have prompted a response from a Labour grandee, Spluttering Lord Hattersley. His Lordship argues that we don't need MPs with fewer ideological ties. Far from it: we need to know exactly what candidates would do if elected, and for that, we need the party labels. Somewhat regrettably, I think he's right. It's not especially comforting to think of our representatives being herded like cattle into the division rooms in Parliament, but how would sticking Esther, Terry or David into the mix make any difference? There are plenty of strong personalities with maverick tendencies within the major parties (for example Frank Field for Labour; Vince Cable for the Lib Dems; Boris Johnson for the Tories) and their party affiliation at least gives them an opportunity to influence policy. Would any of these people be more effective outside the main parties? It's hard to see how.

I don't mean to imply that there's no place for independents in British politics. I loathe the fact that local elections have been reduced to little more than a mid-term referendum on the Westminster government. Anyone knocking on my door in the next couple of weeks should promise to do something about the potholes at the end of my street, rather than telling me what's right or wrong with Gordon Brown. And there's always the House of Lords. Why not make that elective and fill it through a kind of nationwide beauty contest? I'm sure Esther and Terry would like that. It's just too bad that his untimely death has robbed us of the possibility of electing Lord Screaming Lord Sutch.